Trauma a accumulative effect.

Trauma may be a single horrific event; it can also be a series of smaller events that impact your life over a period of time.” Trauma has a cumulative effect. Whether its a big T or a little t, when it takes a hit, it delivers a home run right to the heart of the matter.The experience of discovering your spouse’s sexual addiction is an assault to your mind, body, spirituality, and attachment injury in so many aspects of the most important relationship in your life. Dr. Barbara Steffens researched partners’ of sex addicts and discovered that 70% of spouses, upon disclosure, developed symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Listed below are a few of the symptoms reported by women that have experienced the addicts induced trauma and violation in the relationship.

•   It left me shell shocked
  
•   I threw up, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat and cried constantly
  
•   I felt horror, anger, rage, terror, fury at God
  
•   I frequently had disturbing dreams and nightmares
  
•   My initial reaction was to shake uncontrollably; I’ve had this reaction
  before to someone’s death. It was a death.9
  
  In Rhonda’s story she reports; “I’m fighting to concentrate. I caught myself zoning out a lot today. It was hard to stay focused. I had another nightmare about you; I’ve been plagued with these nightmares for over a year. I wonder if they will ever stop.” (Spouses of Sex Addicts, Hope for the Journey P. 44)
  
  Here is a story that exemplifies the trauma reaction from a partner that expereinced the emotional abuse and betrayal  of sexual addiction and the induced repeated threat to the system  that lingers into a pattern of fear and emotional instability for years.

The story and the movie footage focuses on the wife/mother’s experience as she was the hardest hit. Watching it, because her experience and the trauma associated with the tsunami were exactly like mine with sex addiction. The movie begins with  family of 4 on a beautiful island enjoying there Christmas holiday, They notice a few strange things, sounds start up, birds screeching, tree branches swaying, an increasing loud roar. People sitting around the pool think its strange but do not know what it is. Then all at once an enormous black wave breaks over the trees, more and more waves follow, swallowing up  everyone and everything. Houses, cars, trees are torn apart and pieces become projectiles shooting through the water piercing the people in it, including the wife. She has no strength to compete, struggles to survive and can only cling to whatever she can find. Eventually the waves subside. She finds a way out but is gashed and bleeding and can hardly move. The cameras pan to view the sight from overhead. The land is unrecognizable, completely barren. What was once paradise is now a ruin. The clean up from the aftermath will take years before any regrowth can occur. The wife at various times presumed dead, survives, but she remains in the hospital fighting infections and undergoes 14 surgeries.
The story and the movie footage focuses on the wife/mother’s experience as she was the hardest hit. Watching it, because her experience and the trauma associated with the tsunami were exactly like mine with sex addiction. The movie begins with  family of 4 on a beautiful island enjoying there Christmas holiday, They notice a few strange things, sounds start up, birds screeching, tree branches swaying, an increasing loud roar. People sitting around the pool think its strange but do not know what it is. Then all at once an enormous black wave breaks over the trees, more and more waves follow, swallowing up  everyone and everything. Houses, cars, trees are torn apart and pieces become projectiles shooting through the water piercing the people in it, including the wife. She has no strength to compete, struggles to survive and can only cling to whatever she can find. Eventually the waves subside. She finds a way out but is gashed and bleeding and can hardly move. The cameras pan to view the sight from overhead. The land is unrecognizable, completely barren. What was once paradise is now a ruin. The clean up from the aftermath will take years before any regrowth can occur. The wife at various times presumed dead, survives, but she remains in the hospital fighting infections and undergoes 14 surgeries.
If you are a partner of a sex addict, know that there is hope for your healing process. Certified Partner Trauma Specialist(CPTS) are trained and certified to come along aside and assist you through the trauma, and validate your needs and story.