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Shared Meanings Questionnaire Honoring Each Others’ Dreams
Think about how well you and your partner have been able to create a sense of shared meaning in your lives together. When people become partnered, they create a new culture, and some relationships also involve the union of two very different cultures. Even if two people are coming from the same regional, cultural, ethnic, and religious backgrounds, they will have been raised in two very different families, and their merging involves the creation of a new culture.2000–2007 by Dr. John M. Gottman.
YOUR RITUALS
TRUE
FALSE
1. We see eye-to-eye about the rituals that involve dinner times in our home.
O
O
2. Holiday meals (such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, Passover) are very special and happy times for us.
O
O
3. Reunions at the end of each day in our home are generally special times in my day.
O
O
4. We see eye-to-eye about the role of TV in our home.
O
O
5. Bedtimes are generally good times for being close.
O
O
6. During weekends, we do a lot of things together that we enjoy and value.
O
O
7. We have the same values about entertaining in our home (having friends over, parties, etc.).
O
O
8. We both value special celebrations (such as birthdays, anniversaries, family reunions).
O
O
9. When I become sick, I feel taken care of and loved by my partner.
O
O
10. I really look forward to and enjoy our vacations and the travel we do together.
O
O
11. The mornings together are special times for me.
O
O
12. When we do errands together, we generally have a good time.
O
O
13. We have ways of becoming renewed and refreshed when we are burned out or fatigued.
O
O
14. We share many similar values in our roles as partners.
O
O
15. We share many similar values in our roles as parents.
O
O
16. We have many similar views about what it means to be a good friend to others.
O
O
17. My partner and I have compatible views about the role of work in one’s life.
O
O
18. My partner and I have similar philosophies about balancing work and family life.
O
O
19. My partner supports what I would see as my basic mission in life.
O
O
© 2000–2007 by Dr. John M. Gottman.
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YOUR GOALS
TRUE
FALSE
20. My partner shares my views on the importance of family and kin (sisters, brothers, moms, dads) in our life together.
O
O
21. We share many of the same goals in our life together.
O
O
22. If I were to look back on my life in very old age, I think I would see that our paths in life had meshed very well.
O
O
23. My partner values my own accomplishments.
O
O
24. My partner honors my own very personal goals, unrelated to my relationship.
O
O
25. We share many of the same goals for others who are important to us (children, kin, friends and community).
O
O
26. We have very similar financial goals.
O
O
27. We tend to have compatible financial disaster scenarios (ones we both want to avoid).
O
O
28. Our hopes and aspirations, as individuals and together, for our children, for our life in general, and for our old age are quite compatible.
O
O
29. Our life dreams tend to be similar or compatible.
O
O
30. Even when different, we have been able to find a way to honor our life dreams.
O
O
© 2000–2007 by Dr. John M. Gottman.
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YOUR SYMBOLS
TRUE
FALSE
31. We see eye-to-eye about what “home” means.
O
O
32. Our philosophies of what love ought to be are quite compatible.
O
O
33. We have similar values about the importance of “peacefulness” in our lives.
O
O
34. We have similar views about the meaning of “family.”
O
O
35. We have similar views about the role of sex in our lives.
O
O
36. We have similar views about the role of love and affection in our lives.
O
O
37. We have similar values about the meaning of being partnered.
O
O
38. We have similar values about the importance and meaning of money in our lives.
O
O
39. We have similar values about the importance of education in our lives.
O
O
40. We have similar values about the importance of “fun” and “play” in our lives.
O
O
41. We have similar values about the significance of adventure.
O
O
42. We have similar values about “trust.”
O
O
43. We have similar values about personal “freedom.”
O
O
44. We have similar values about “autonomy” and “independence.”
O
O
45. We have similar values about sharing “power” in our relationship.
O
O
46. We have similar values about being “interdependent,” of being a “we.”
O
O
47. We have similar values about the meaning of “having possessions,” of “owning things” (like cars, nice clothes, books, music, a house and land).
O
O
48. We have similar values about the meaning of “nature,” and of our relationship to the seasons.
O
O
49. We are both sentimental and tend to reminisce about things in our past.
O
O
50. We have similar views about what we want in retirement and old age.
O
O
© 2000–2007 by Dr. John M. Gottman.
