Commitment in a relationship is an investment with a more than great return.....consider writing a contract that defines your relationship and holds you accountable, as in vulnerable, holding your relationship in a sacred space, that has no room for intruders, either person, place or thing that destroys the emotional and physical accessibility that is meant for each other.Take a look at the contract below, if it fits, use it, and make it yours as a foundation for your commitment to one another.
I am invested in and care about this marriage/relationship: I am invested in this marriage/relationship and have the foundation for improving it. ( If you are not invested in this marriage/relationship, your partner has the right to know that.)
I will take the time to work on this
marriage/relationship and suspend any judgment of our relationship for at least two months.
I will listen with genuine acceptance to my partner in order to facilitate effective communication skills.
When my partner’s behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell them openly, and honestly how their behavior affects me, trusting that they will respect my needs and feelings.
I admit that part of the responsibility for our marriage/relationship is mine: In order for the relationship to change, both of us need to accept responsibility for our marriage/relationship. By consenting to this condition I am promising not to blame my partner for what has gone wrong and what may go wrong in the future.
I will not carry on an affair. (If one or both of you are intimately involved with another person, you are not going to be successful in this relationship. If you are serious about working on this relationship, it is critical to break off any other sexual or emotional relationships, including internet, e-mail, Facebook and text communication).
I will make an effort to improve the marriage/relationship: My effort does not depend on my partner’s effort. I will not abuse my partner. (Although it may be difficult at first, both of us must agree to refrain from any abuse, including calling each other names, shouting, and swearing at each other, damaging each other’s property, or hitting and shoving each other).
At those times when we find that either of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs, we will acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolving the conflict without resorting to the use of power or authority. We will search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us.
All relationships require some compromise on both sides. By agreeing to this condition you recognize the importance of meeting your partner halfway.
Written by;
Dr. Sam Pirozzi Ed.D.
SEPARATED COUPLES
Conditions of our separation are:
(Address areas such as parenting, finances, dating each other. Be as specific as possible)
This is what I would like from my partner
This is what I would like from my partner
Conditions of us returning together are:
(Address areas such as finances, division of labor, parenting, time together and time apart, sleeping arrangements. Be as specific as possible)
This is what I would like from my partner
This is what I would like from my partner
This contract is designed to assist you in achieving and maintaining positive changes in your relationship. During treatment, you will be asked to develop a number of these contracts that document reciprocal changes requested by you and your partner. By making public commitment and putting it in writing, you are actively taking steps toward achieving and maintaining positive changes in your relationship.
I, __________________________, agree to make every effort possible to make the following change(s) at my partner's request. I understand that this change is very important to my partner and therefore also very important to me.
Behavior change:
I, __________________________, agree to make every effort possible to make the following change(s) at my partner's request. I understand that this change is very important to my partner and therefore also very important to me.
Behavior change:
This contract will continue throughout treatment unless a new contract is substituted or until one or both parties decides to stop participating.
Patient: ______________________________ Date: ______________________
Patient: _______________________________ Date: _____________________
Possible discussed questions.
(Be as specific and concrete as possible)
q Why did you get into this relationship in the first place?
q Do I know any happy marriages/relationships that have lasted a lifetime?
q If I were my partner, how would I see what is happening in our relationship?
q What was the first thing that attracted me to my partner, the next, and the next?
q How do I behave when I feel jealous (Jealousy: an emotional response to a perceived threat of loss)?
q How would I want my partner to behave when they felt jealous?
q How do I behave when I feel angry?
q How would I want my partner to behave when they felt angry?
q Can I really know for sure what the future of this marriage/relationship holds?
q Do I know any other couples that have resolved problems in their relationship? What did they do?
q If I care about my partner, should I make them happier?
q If I care about my partner, should I respect them (How do I show respect)?
q How do I show love?
q Will I stay in a relationship where I am not getting what I want?
q What do I want?
I am invested in and care about this marriage/relationship: I am invested in this marriage/relationship and have the foundation for improving it. ( If you are not invested in this marriage/relationship, your partner has the right to know that.)
I will take the time to work on this
marriage/relationship and suspend any judgment of our relationship for at least two months.
I will listen with genuine acceptance to my partner in order to facilitate effective communication skills.
When my partner’s behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell them openly, and honestly how their behavior affects me, trusting that they will respect my needs and feelings.
I admit that part of the responsibility for our marriage/relationship is mine: In order for the relationship to change, both of us need to accept responsibility for our marriage/relationship. By consenting to this condition I am promising not to blame my partner for what has gone wrong and what may go wrong in the future.
I will not carry on an affair. (If one or both of you are intimately involved with another person, you are not going to be successful in this relationship. If you are serious about working on this relationship, it is critical to break off any other sexual or emotional relationships, including internet, e-mail, Facebook and text communication).
I will make an effort to improve the marriage/relationship: My effort does not depend on my partner’s effort. I will not abuse my partner. (Although it may be difficult at first, both of us must agree to refrain from any abuse, including calling each other names, shouting, and swearing at each other, damaging each other’s property, or hitting and shoving each other).
At those times when we find that either of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs, we will acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolving the conflict without resorting to the use of power or authority. We will search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us.
All relationships require some compromise on both sides. By agreeing to this condition you recognize the importance of meeting your partner halfway.
Written by;
Dr. Sam Pirozzi Ed.D.
SEPARATED COUPLES
Conditions of our separation are:
(Address areas such as parenting, finances, dating each other. Be as specific as possible)
This is what I would like from my partner
This is what I would like from my partner
Conditions of us returning together are:
(Address areas such as finances, division of labor, parenting, time together and time apart, sleeping arrangements. Be as specific as possible)
This is what I would like from my partner
This is what I would like from my partner
This contract is designed to assist you in achieving and maintaining positive changes in your relationship. During treatment, you will be asked to develop a number of these contracts that document reciprocal changes requested by you and your partner. By making public commitment and putting it in writing, you are actively taking steps toward achieving and maintaining positive changes in your relationship.
I, __________________________, agree to make every effort possible to make the following change(s) at my partner's request. I understand that this change is very important to my partner and therefore also very important to me.
Behavior change:
I, __________________________, agree to make every effort possible to make the following change(s) at my partner's request. I understand that this change is very important to my partner and therefore also very important to me.
Behavior change:
This contract will continue throughout treatment unless a new contract is substituted or until one or both parties decides to stop participating.
Patient: ______________________________ Date: ______________________
Patient: _______________________________ Date: _____________________
Possible discussed questions.
(Be as specific and concrete as possible)
q Why did you get into this relationship in the first place?
q Do I know any happy marriages/relationships that have lasted a lifetime?
q If I were my partner, how would I see what is happening in our relationship?
q What was the first thing that attracted me to my partner, the next, and the next?
q How do I behave when I feel jealous (Jealousy: an emotional response to a perceived threat of loss)?
q How would I want my partner to behave when they felt jealous?
q How do I behave when I feel angry?
q How would I want my partner to behave when they felt angry?
q Can I really know for sure what the future of this marriage/relationship holds?
q Do I know any other couples that have resolved problems in their relationship? What did they do?
q If I care about my partner, should I make them happier?
q If I care about my partner, should I respect them (How do I show respect)?
q How do I show love?
q Will I stay in a relationship where I am not getting what I want?
q What do I want?
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