experienced ourselves, how we tell our stories, make sense and meaning of it. Once you have completed the interview, share it with someone, also, notice your internal state as you answer the questions and journal your feelings and any new thoughts you may have in the process. We can not change the past, but awareness in the present can alter the future.
Adult Attachment Interview (Kaplan & Main)
- Could you start by helping me get oriented to your early family situation, and where you lived and so on? If you can tell me where you were born, whether you moved around much, what your family did at various times for a living. In the case of raised by several persons, Who would you say raised you?
- Did you see much of your gr-parents when you were little? If gr-parents died before you were born, how od was parent at that time, do you know? Were you told much about this gr-parent?
- Did you have brothers and sisters living in the house, or any one else besides parents? Are they living nearby now or do they live elsewhere?
2. I would like you to describe your relationship with your parents as a young child if you can start from as far back as you can remember?
3. Choose five adjectives or words that reflect your relationship with your mother starting from as far back as you can remember in early childhood-/as in an image you have in your mind similar to a video tape of something that happened when you were young, as early as you can go, age 5-12 is fine, This may take a bit of time, slow down and think for a minute…. And think of a specific memory that would illustrate how your relationship fit each of the five adjective. Give a specific and elaborated incident, particularities and times of the experience that made you think about it regarding the incident.
3. Choose five adjectives or words that reflect your relationship with your father starting from as far back as you can remember in early childhood-/as in an image you have in your mind similar to a video tape of something that happened when you were young, as early as you can go, age 5-12 is fine, This may take a bit of time, slow down and think for a minute…. And think of a specific memory that would illustrate how your relationship fit each of the five adjectives. Give a specific and elaborated incident, particularities and times of the experience that made you think about it regarding the incident.
5. Which parent did you feel closest to and why? Why isn’t there this feeling with the other parent?
6. When you were upset as a child, what would you do? Define “upset” to you, and if you were to answer withdrew……define what you would do when you withdrew. Can you think of a specific time when you withdrew? Can you remember what would happen when you were hurt, physically or emotionally, any specific incidents come to mind?
- Were you ever mad when you were little? Do you remember what would happen?
- Do you remember being held by either of your parents at any of these times at any of these times?
8. Did you ever feel rejected as a young child ? Any memory of this?
- How old were you when you first felt this way, and what did you do?
- Why do you think your parent did those things, do you think they realized they were rejecting you?
- Did you ever feel pushed away or ignored? example
- Were you frightened or worried as a child? example
9. Were your parents ever threatning with you in any way- maybe for discipline, or even jokingly? Threaten to leave you, silence treatment, physical abuse.
- Did anything like this ever happen in your family?
- How old were you, did it happen frequently?
- Do you feel as though this experience affects you now as an adult?
- Does it influence your approach to your own children ?
- Did you have any such experiences involving people outside your family?
10. In general, how do you think your overall experiences with your parents have affected your adult personality?
Are there any aspects to your early experiences that you feel were a set-back in your development?/held you back or had a negative effect on the way you turned out?
11. Why do you think your parents behaved as they did during your childhood?
12. Were there any adults with whom you were close, like parents, as a child?
13. Did you experience the loss of a parent or other close loved ones while you were a young child/ sibling or close family member?
a. Tell about that circumstance
- How did you respond at the time?
- Was the death sudden or was it expected?
- Can you recall your feelings at the time?
f. Have your feelings over this death changed over time?
g. Did you attend the funeral, and what was that like for you?
H .Would you say t he loss had an affect on your adult personality?
- How does it affect your approach to your own children?
14.Did you loose any other important persons during your childhood? Refer to same above queries
15. Have you lost other close persons, in adult years?
16. Other than any difficult experiences you’ve already described, have you had any other experiences which you should regard as potentially traumatic….any experience which was overwhelmingly and immediately terrifying……scenes of violence, war experiences, violent separation or rape…..
17. More questions about parents, were there many changes in your relationship with your parents, or remaining parent after childhood/ between childhood and adulthood?
18. What is your relationship with your parents, or remaining parent, like for you now as an adult, your current relationship.
- Do you have much contact with your parents at present?
- What would you say the relationship is like presently?
- Tell about, or any other, sources of dissatisfaction in your current relationship with your parents? Any special ,or any other, sources of special satisfaction?
19. If you had three wishes for your child twenty years from now, what would they be? What kind of future would you like to see for your child?
20. This question refers to your children, How do you respond now, in terms of feelings, when you separate from your child/children/f you do not have children…..imagine that you have a one year old child, and how you think you might respond, in terms of feelings, if you had to separate from this child, how do you think you might respond, do you think you would ever feel worried about the child?/ or imagined child……
21. Is there any particular thing you feel you learned above all from your own childhood experiences? Something you feel you might have gained from the kind of childhood you had?
22. Looking into the future and what you thought you may have learned from your own childhood, what would you hope your child/children/imagined child might have learned from their experiences of being parented by you?