.F- flexible, A-adapable, C-cohesive, E, energized, S-stable.
Traumatized people suffer damage to the basic structures of the self. They lose their trust in themselves, in other people, and in God. The identity they have formed prior to the trauma is irrevocably destroyed (Herman,1997).
From the attachment perspective, negative cycles of blame/pursue and withdraw/distance are so harmful because they destroy the safety ad responsiveness necessary for sustained emotional engagement and secure bonding. As attachment theory states, it is accessibility and responsiveness that counts (Susan Johnson).
“Too little too late from your perspective, I understand. From mine, I don’t perceive that I have anything to hold unto with our relationship. I would like it to work, I would like to repair it.”
“I am scared, let me say that again, I may be a spit ball and fire, but I am scared. After our last go around, I do not know how I will ever feel safe to bring my anger and hurt forward for healing again. You have silenced me and with that have crushed any hope in me.”