Take the assessment below on line, and have fun learning more about your love style/attachment.....
Deep change is only possible after you understand the root of the problem! Each love style is a direct result of your environment growing up and identifiable by measuring key traits in your current relationships – an accurate assessment requires honestly opening yourself to careful self-reflection. This brief quiz is meant to help you determine your love style as the first step on the road to healing.
Please note that while the questions are phrased for couples, anyone can take this test — simply substitute the applicable relationship, or think about how you would react were you in a relationship.
Directions: For each statement, simply choose whether that statement generally reflects you. The quiz takes about 15 minutes to complete.
1. No one protected me from harm growing up, so I had to toughen up and take care of myself.
Yes No
2. Chaos feels normal to me; when things are quiet I grow anxious because I’m waiting for something bad to happen.
Yes No
3. I am not a risk taker, and I like things to be predictable.
Yes No
4. My spouse or significant other has (or threatens to) hit, drag, or shoved me.
Yes No
5. I am afraid if I left my spouse, they would harm me or my kids.
Yes No
6. After social gatherings, I can’t stop thinking about how I was perceived and I am consumed with figuring out how I could have said things differently.
Yes No
7. I feel very anxious if someone is upset or annoyed with me, so I am good at “keeping peace”.
Yes No
8. I have thought of leaving my spouse many times, but I don’t have the courage to actually do it.
Yes No
9. I have always been sensitive and perceptive and can tell when others are pulling away from me.
Yes No
10. My partner says mean things to me and makes me feel small and helpless.
Yes No
11. My partner tells me I am distant and don’t show enough affection.
Yes No
12. I have feelings of jealousy and often feel like I’m not a first priority to my spouse or significant other.
Yes No
13. My partner controls almost everything about my life
Yes No
14. I would rather do something nice for someone when I think they are mad at me than confront them directly.
Yes No
15. Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.”
Yes No
16. I'm rarely angry, and if I am, I usually hide it rather than show it.
Yes No
17. Sometimes I try to control my temper, but once I’m angry, I can’t calm down.
Yes No
18. Things must be done in an orderly, specific way, or I get angry.
Yes No
19. My parent(s) acted more like kids than parents.
Yes No
20. My partner says they feel like they are walking on eggshells around me.
Yes No
21. I need space and feel trapped if someone always wants to be with me all the time.
Yes No
22. I would describe my childhood as unsafe.
Yes No
23. When people ask me about my childhood, I don’t have a lot of memories.
Yes No
24. I have difficulty saying “no” and find that I often over-commit myself.
Yes No
25. I often feel empty, like my longing for connection and attention is never satisfied.
Yes No
26. I am dishonest at times to avoid conflict.
Yes No
27. I like to meet the needs of others and I feel uncomfortable when someone wants to serve me.
Yes No
28. My partner wants a lot more connection than I do, and sometimes I wish they could be more independent.
Yes No
29. I don’t have a lot of contact with my parents or adult siblings.
Yes No
30. Anger and frustration are usually the only emotions I feel.
Yes No
31. I usually defer to a friend or spouse when choosing a restaurant.
Yes No
32. I don’t like being alone and avoid conflict to keep people from pulling away from me.
Yes No
33. My childhood was very unsafe, and I can remember hiding to protect myself.
Yes No
34. My spouse often tells me I’m wrong or crazy, and sometimes I am so confused, I think maybe I am crazy.
Yes No
35. When people hurt me, I tend to write them off and I have cut people off in past relationships.
Yes No
36. My parents would describe me as a good kid who never caused problems.
Yes No
37. I think asking for help is a sign of weakness and I prefer to solve problems on my own.
Yes No
38. I am not a moody person and I would describe myself as consistent and reliable. So moody people get on my nerves.
Yes No
39. I try to avoid long conversations, especially if I think someone will get emotional.
Yes No
40. Sometimes I give in, even when I disagree, just to avoid a quarrel.
Yes No
41. When people around me become emotional, I tend to look for a way to distance myself.
Yes No
42. One or both of my parents had serious problems and or multiple marriages.
Yes No
43. I get uncomfortable when people ask me how I feel.
Yes No
44. I feel like I am always waiting for time and attention from my partner.
Yes No
45. I often feel unworthy, unlovable, and wonder why I am on this earth.
Yes No
46. My partner sometimes mistreats me, but it would be worse to be alone.
Yes No
47. I use substances like food, alcohol, or drugs to help deal with the stress and pain in my life.
Yes No
48. Growing up, my family rarely, if ever, discussed personal concerns.
Yes No
49. Crying kids really annoy me; if they were my kid, it would stop.
Yes No
50. I want more connection than my spouse or significant other wants, and I’m always the one trying to make it happen.
Yes No
51. I don’t like to be alone, but often feel resentful and lonely when my spouse or significant other is around.
Yes No
52. People sometimes describe me as intimidating.
Yes No
53. My dating relationship with my spouse was passionate and exciting, but now I feel betrayed and duped because that spark is gone.
Yes No
54. Growing up, my home was very difficult, but I found I could escape into my head and go away.
Yes No
55. If I am honest, I would say my partner is afraid of me.
Yes No
56. I don’t let myself cry because if I started, I’d never stop.
Yes No
57. I took a lot of abuse during my childhood until I threatened and fought back, then it stopped.
Yes No
58. I have concerns about the safety of my spouse, kids, or significant other, and worry about my family being harmed or hurt.
Yes No
59. I make it obvious when I’m hurt, and when no one pursues me to ask what’s wrong, I feel even more upset and angry.
Yes No
60. One of my parents was either critical or fearful and I tried hard to keep them happy or win their approval or I compensated for an unruly sibling by being the responsible one.
Yes No
61. I rarely cry and think crying is a waste of time that doesn’t help anything.
Yes No
62. I have hit or pushed my spouse, significant other, or kids.
Yes No
63. I often feel misunderstood and unsupported.
Yes No
64. I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over.
Yes No
65. I get angry when others don’t meet my expectations, and I feel relieved after I vent.
Yes No
66. I feel powerless in my relationships, like I am just going through the motions.
Yes No
67. Growing up, my family was not very affectionate or demonstrative with touch or words.
Yes No
68. I find it difficult to reengage when I’m angry, and when my partner makes an effort, I feel it’s too little to late.
Yes No
69. I would describe myself as independent and self-reliant.
Yes No
70. I am very good at anticipating the needs of others and meeting them.
Yes No
Deep change is only possible after you understand the root of the problem! Each love style is a direct result of your environment growing up and identifiable by measuring key traits in your current relationships – an accurate assessment requires honestly opening yourself to careful self-reflection. This brief quiz is meant to help you determine your love style as the first step on the road to healing.
Please note that while the questions are phrased for couples, anyone can take this test — simply substitute the applicable relationship, or think about how you would react were you in a relationship.
Directions: For each statement, simply choose whether that statement generally reflects you. The quiz takes about 15 minutes to complete.
1. No one protected me from harm growing up, so I had to toughen up and take care of myself.
Yes No
2. Chaos feels normal to me; when things are quiet I grow anxious because I’m waiting for something bad to happen.
Yes No
3. I am not a risk taker, and I like things to be predictable.
Yes No
4. My spouse or significant other has (or threatens to) hit, drag, or shoved me.
Yes No
5. I am afraid if I left my spouse, they would harm me or my kids.
Yes No
6. After social gatherings, I can’t stop thinking about how I was perceived and I am consumed with figuring out how I could have said things differently.
Yes No
7. I feel very anxious if someone is upset or annoyed with me, so I am good at “keeping peace”.
Yes No
8. I have thought of leaving my spouse many times, but I don’t have the courage to actually do it.
Yes No
9. I have always been sensitive and perceptive and can tell when others are pulling away from me.
Yes No
10. My partner says mean things to me and makes me feel small and helpless.
Yes No
11. My partner tells me I am distant and don’t show enough affection.
Yes No
12. I have feelings of jealousy and often feel like I’m not a first priority to my spouse or significant other.
Yes No
13. My partner controls almost everything about my life
Yes No
14. I would rather do something nice for someone when I think they are mad at me than confront them directly.
Yes No
15. Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.”
Yes No
16. I'm rarely angry, and if I am, I usually hide it rather than show it.
Yes No
17. Sometimes I try to control my temper, but once I’m angry, I can’t calm down.
Yes No
18. Things must be done in an orderly, specific way, or I get angry.
Yes No
19. My parent(s) acted more like kids than parents.
Yes No
20. My partner says they feel like they are walking on eggshells around me.
Yes No
21. I need space and feel trapped if someone always wants to be with me all the time.
Yes No
22. I would describe my childhood as unsafe.
Yes No
23. When people ask me about my childhood, I don’t have a lot of memories.
Yes No
24. I have difficulty saying “no” and find that I often over-commit myself.
Yes No
25. I often feel empty, like my longing for connection and attention is never satisfied.
Yes No
26. I am dishonest at times to avoid conflict.
Yes No
27. I like to meet the needs of others and I feel uncomfortable when someone wants to serve me.
Yes No
28. My partner wants a lot more connection than I do, and sometimes I wish they could be more independent.
Yes No
29. I don’t have a lot of contact with my parents or adult siblings.
Yes No
30. Anger and frustration are usually the only emotions I feel.
Yes No
31. I usually defer to a friend or spouse when choosing a restaurant.
Yes No
32. I don’t like being alone and avoid conflict to keep people from pulling away from me.
Yes No
33. My childhood was very unsafe, and I can remember hiding to protect myself.
Yes No
34. My spouse often tells me I’m wrong or crazy, and sometimes I am so confused, I think maybe I am crazy.
Yes No
35. When people hurt me, I tend to write them off and I have cut people off in past relationships.
Yes No
36. My parents would describe me as a good kid who never caused problems.
Yes No
37. I think asking for help is a sign of weakness and I prefer to solve problems on my own.
Yes No
38. I am not a moody person and I would describe myself as consistent and reliable. So moody people get on my nerves.
Yes No
39. I try to avoid long conversations, especially if I think someone will get emotional.
Yes No
40. Sometimes I give in, even when I disagree, just to avoid a quarrel.
Yes No
41. When people around me become emotional, I tend to look for a way to distance myself.
Yes No
42. One or both of my parents had serious problems and or multiple marriages.
Yes No
43. I get uncomfortable when people ask me how I feel.
Yes No
44. I feel like I am always waiting for time and attention from my partner.
Yes No
45. I often feel unworthy, unlovable, and wonder why I am on this earth.
Yes No
46. My partner sometimes mistreats me, but it would be worse to be alone.
Yes No
47. I use substances like food, alcohol, or drugs to help deal with the stress and pain in my life.
Yes No
48. Growing up, my family rarely, if ever, discussed personal concerns.
Yes No
49. Crying kids really annoy me; if they were my kid, it would stop.
Yes No
50. I want more connection than my spouse or significant other wants, and I’m always the one trying to make it happen.
Yes No
51. I don’t like to be alone, but often feel resentful and lonely when my spouse or significant other is around.
Yes No
52. People sometimes describe me as intimidating.
Yes No
53. My dating relationship with my spouse was passionate and exciting, but now I feel betrayed and duped because that spark is gone.
Yes No
54. Growing up, my home was very difficult, but I found I could escape into my head and go away.
Yes No
55. If I am honest, I would say my partner is afraid of me.
Yes No
56. I don’t let myself cry because if I started, I’d never stop.
Yes No
57. I took a lot of abuse during my childhood until I threatened and fought back, then it stopped.
Yes No
58. I have concerns about the safety of my spouse, kids, or significant other, and worry about my family being harmed or hurt.
Yes No
59. I make it obvious when I’m hurt, and when no one pursues me to ask what’s wrong, I feel even more upset and angry.
Yes No
60. One of my parents was either critical or fearful and I tried hard to keep them happy or win their approval or I compensated for an unruly sibling by being the responsible one.
Yes No
61. I rarely cry and think crying is a waste of time that doesn’t help anything.
Yes No
62. I have hit or pushed my spouse, significant other, or kids.
Yes No
63. I often feel misunderstood and unsupported.
Yes No
64. I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over.
Yes No
65. I get angry when others don’t meet my expectations, and I feel relieved after I vent.
Yes No
66. I feel powerless in my relationships, like I am just going through the motions.
Yes No
67. Growing up, my family was not very affectionate or demonstrative with touch or words.
Yes No
68. I find it difficult to reengage when I’m angry, and when my partner makes an effort, I feel it’s too little to late.
Yes No
69. I would describe myself as independent and self-reliant.
Yes No
70. I am very good at anticipating the needs of others and meeting them.
Yes No
