History and Philosophy of Your Emotions, New Reflections Clinical Services

New Reflections Clinical Services, Francoise Mastroianni

History and Philosophy of Your Emotions, New Reflections Clinical Services

5/19/2015

History and Philosophy of Your Emotions

Anger
What is the history of your experience with the emotion of anger? Could you tell could you tell if your parents were angry? What was this experience like for you?
How did they react to your anger? What was it like in your Family growing up??

Sadness
What is the history of your experience with the emotion of sadness? Could you tell if your parents were sad?
What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were sad?
How did they react to your sadness? What was it like in your family growing up?

Fear
What is the history of your experience with the emotion of fear?
How did your family spond when you felt insecure? Could you tell if your parents were afraid?
What was this is experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you were afraid or worried?
How did they react to your fears? How do you deal with one another’s worries and fears in this marriage or partnership?
What was it like in your family growing up?

Love
What at is the history of your experience with the emotion of love? How did you parents show you that they loved you?
Was your family growing up very affectionate?
What was this experience like for you? Could your parents tell if you needed affection?
How did they react to your need for affection and love? How do you show each other that you love one another in this relationship?
What was it like in your family growing up?

Pride
What is the history of your experience with the emotion of pride?
How did your parents show you that they were proud of you? Could you tell if your parents were proud of your a accomplishments?
What was this experience like for you? Could your your parents tell if you wanted them to be proud of youyou wanted them to be proud of you
How did they react to your achievements anachievements and triumphs?
How does your partner express pride in you?
Do you express pride in your partner?
What was it like in your family growing up?

Negativity
What is your philosophy about expressing negative
emotion? What was it like in your family growing up?
Are there differences between you and your spouse in the expression and experience of emotion
What role do these differences play in your relationship?

Taken from Spouses of Sex Addicts: Healing and Recovery workbook, Françoise Mastroianni

Used by permission John Gotman

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Live Webinar MPTM Training! APSATS, Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialist.5/11/2015

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June 2015
APSATS is excited to announce that our next live webinar MPTM Training will be held the first two weeks in June, 2015. We will meet Friday & Saturday, June 5/6 and June 12/13. This format allows those who cannot travel to a training site to still obtain the MPTM training and then seek certification!

Our meeting times will be 8:30 AM Eastern until 4:30 PM Eastern with a one hour break for lunch on each day. The last day tends to end earlier.

Registration will be limited to 18 attendees!
Cost will be $850 if you register before May 28, 2015 and $950 after that date.
To register, to www.apsats.org and click on training.

Requirements to attend:

Professionally licensed (counselor, psychologist, social worker, medical doctor, psychiatric nurse or nurse practitioner) or graduate level student in the helping professions OR
Certified life or recovery coach (certified by ICF-approved program) or coaching student (in process of obtaining education and experience toward certification).
Pastoral providers - contact us about attending.

Technical requirements:

Computer
Web camera and microphone
Quiet location during the training

Once you are registered including payment for the training, you will receive via email information for your log in to the webinar

The webinar will be conducted through Zoom.
You will be expected to be on camera throughout the training. There will be opportunities for interaction with other attendees throughout the training.
Please visit our website for more information and registration. www.apsats.org

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Webinar training5/11/2015

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Training, Certification, Research & Advocacy.

May 7, 2015

Registration OPEN for 2nd

Live Webinar MPTM Training!
June 2015

APSATS is excited to announce that our next live webinar MPTM Training will be held the first two weeks in June, 2015. We will meet Friday & Saturday, June 5/6 and June 12/13. This format allows those who cannot travel to a training site to still obtain the MPTM training and then seek certification!

Our meeting times will be 8:30 AM Eastern until 4:30 PM Eastern with a one hour break for lunch on each day. The last day tends to end earlier.

Registration will be limited to 18 attendees!

Cost will be $850 if you register before May 28, 2015 and $950 after that date.

To register, to www.apsats.organd click on training.

Requirements to attend:

Professionally licensed (counselor, psychologist, social worker, medical doctor, psychiatric nurse or nurse practitioner) or graduate level student in the helping professions OR
Certified life or recovery coach (certified by ICF-approved program) or coaching student(in process of obtaining education and experience toward certification).
Pastoral providers - contact us about attending.

Technical requirements:

Computer
Web camera and microphone
Quiet location during the training

Once you are registered including payment for the training, you will receive via email information for your log in to the webinar.

The webinar will be conducted through Zoom.

You will be expected to be on camera throughout the training. There will be opportunities for interaction with other attendees throughout the training.

Training materials will be sent to you immediately prior to the webinar electronically in the form of PDF documents (included in the price of registration).

Questions? Contact APSATS at info@apsats.org or by calling 513-644-8023.

Sign up today.

What is APSATS?

The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) is a non-profit organization dedicated to the professional training and certification, public education, research, and advocacy for treatment of sex addiction- induced trauma. APSATS is the only organization that specializes in the preparation and certification of Partner Specialists. We train and certify Certified Clinical Partner Specialists (CCPS) and Certified Partner Coaches (CPC) who subscribe to a developing treatment model that acknowledges and responds to the traumatic stress found in partners affected by sex addiction.

You may be asking yourself,why should I bother obtaining more training and certification?

Why Seek Certification?

This certification will not only give you the ability to offer partners of sex addicts better treatment, but it will make you highly marketable. Since the release of the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, co-authored by Dr. Barbara Steffens, president of APSATS, partners are desperate to find professionals who work from this model! Emails are pouring in asking for referrals to therapists who have been trained by APSATS. Once you receive the certification (this four day course completes the training portion of the certification requirements), your name and information will be listed on the APSATS website.

  Learn More

We've moved!!
APSATS moved offices just before Thanksgiving. Our new address is 8859 Cincinnati-Dayton Rd Suite 203, West Chester OH 45069. No change for our phone or email.

Join with us!

Please sign up to receive regular information on training opportunities, locations, research, and advocacy issues related to sex addiction and its traumatic impact on the partner. Join our mailing list now!

APSATS

Barbara Steffens PhD LPCC,
Certified Clinical Partner Specialist
President of the Board
513-644-8023

We invite you to help support our work!

Donate Now!

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Treating partners, an effective treatment, treating the impact of an Intimacy Disorder.4/26/2015

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Sex addiction and compulsivity is an issue being encountered within all clinical treatment settings. The wounded and betrayed partner or spouse is, in many settings, the primary patient/client seeking effective assistance and treatment. Over the past several years, there has been a move toward utilizing a trauma perspective in treating the traumatic impact of sex addiction upon the partner or spouse. This is the essential difference from the historical sex addiction models that emerged in the 1980s.
Our, APSATS, Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model training seeks to provide a sound foundation for assisting partners in their healing process, and is the required training toward certification as a Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS) or Partner Coach (CPC)
Below, Barbara Stefens, founder and executive director of APSATS, Association Partner Sex Addcts Trauma Specialist

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Marriage Encounter Weekends, ME, Francoise Mastroianni4/19/2015

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My husband and I attended a weekend marriage encounter about 25 years ago. They told us our feelings were neither right nor wrong, they were what they were. I will never forget how my husband wept to hear those words. It gave us permission to be authentic, raw and vulnerable with our feelings. Life is hard, between relationships with our significant others, family, friends, parenting, kid/school obligations, work, church, personal growth....etc. The wheel of life gets bigger, and harder to manage. It places a lot of responsibility on each one of us, and can feel like a juggling act trying to keep all those balls in the air.
Making time for the most important relationship we have with our partners is important. My husband and I have been married 43 years, and we need our "playdates." Time together reminds us of how much we enjoy each others company. The focus on "US" is an enriching encounter, it breaths life into our lungs, and our hearts are pumped with life giving energy.
Marriage Encounters Mission Statement,
To nurture and support the marriage of a man and woman and their family life by offering an opportunity to experience a deep and loving communication with each other and with God. We also encourage personal self-esteem and spirituality, couple and family relationships and community outreach which affirms the value of marriage in a diverse society. Marriage Encounter fills the necessity of married couples to grow together in the belief that the future transformation of the world BEGINS at the heart of the family ~ the couple.
http://marriages.org/marriage-encounter/
One of the exercises I enjoyed during our weekend and long after, was the list of questions that ME
freely offers, as a means of dialoging, and staying real with our feelings. I am adding a list of some of the many questions that are found on their web site. I suggest to many of the couples that I work with that they use this as a tool daily. It enlarges our capacity to be authentic and real with the one we love. Choose one question and each take a turn answering it. Keep it simple, or not......you now may know something about your partner you were not aware of.

Dialogue Questions Galore!
Beside the old stand-by of "What was my strongest feeling today,try making one of these your
NEW "old stand-by".
1. What is my awareness of us as a couple right now? HDIFAMA?
2. What is it like being married to me today? HDIFAMA?
3. What is the most difficult situation facing us
as a couple right now? HDIFA this situation?
4. What stage of relationship do I see us in right
now - romance, disillusionment, or joy? HDIF?
5. What did I most look forward to today? HDIFSTWY?
6. What is my biggest challenge right now? HDIFSTWY?
7. HDIFA our sexual relationship?
8. HDIFA our couple prayer?
9. What do I most need from you today (tomorrow, right now
HDIFSTWY?
10. What do I think you most need from me today (tomorrow,right now?
HDIFSTWY?
11. What brought me the most fulfillment today? HDIFAMA?
12. What is my dream for tomorrow? HDIFSTWY?
13. What feeling have I not shared with you yet
today? DTF.
14. How have I encouraged or affirmed you today?

You will need to check out their web page for the acronyms, example, HDIFAMA....how do I feel about my answer.....and also where a weekend is hosted in your area.
ENJOY!

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April 13th, 20154/13/2015

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The NSPCC ChildLine survey found that a tenth of 12 to 13-year-olds shared that they are fearful of being “addicted” to pornography. 1/10 of these young boys and girls are saying that they think they have a problem with pornography!

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Children in fear of being addicted to pornography; National Center on Exploitation4/13/2015

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A new study recently just came out that is alarming to even me, and I am fully aware of the dangers of addicted behaviors and accessibility that online devices provide for pleasuring while promoting tolerance levels that depict a full blown addiction to a constant stream of images, whether virtually, sexting, or skin to skin. The NSPCC ChildLine survey found that a tenth of 12 to 13-year-olds shared that they are fearful of being “addicted” to pornography. 1/10 of these young boys and girls are saying that they think they have a problem with pornography!
One in five of the 700 children surveyed reported to have seen pornographic images that “shocked or upset them.” The survey also reported that 12 percent of those surveyed, had taken part in, or had made, a sexually explicit video."
As mother of four and grandmother of seven children, this has my attention. We need to step up and provide resources that protect our young people, what they accidentally see to what they are naturally curious about. The last blog posted I was promoting Covenant eyes, an excellent resource to filter the accessibility they have with the internet, and you as a parent get an accountability report, not met to shame, but to teach and learn as a family, how destructive this is to their mental well being and future intimate relationships.
"The fact that children are sharing their fears of addiction is not only appaling but needs to be a red flag to parents, public officials, and health experts."

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Speaking to our children about pornography. Covenanteyes.com3/29/2015

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WHAT IS INTERNET ACCOUNTABILITY?What if you could send a report of your Internet activity to a friend or mentor so you could talk about where you struggle online? What if you could see the sites your kids visit, the YouTube videos they watch, and the search terms they use? Internet Accountability is not about catching someone red-handed. It’s not even a Filter, blocking content outright (though we do have a Filter as well). Instead, Internet Accountability is a report of your Internet activities, designed to start a conversation, helping everyone in your home make wiser choices about Internet use. covenanteyes.com

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Manhood and Terry Crews. Fight the new drug3/22/2015

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This article and video is posted on Fight the new drug, I really this web site, founded by two young college students who had a passion to inform and educate the public about the devastating harm that pornography has on children, men, women and families.

Terry Crews spoke out in his book, Manhood, about how he was addicted to pornography since he was 12 years old and how it deeply affected his marriage. In the excerpt below from an interview with the Tom Joyner Morning Show to promote his book, Crews and his wife of 25 years, Rebecca, talked openly about the effects it had on their life together. Check out two questions from the interview below:

Terry, did you have a collection or was it just online?

Online. It wasn’t a collection, I was smart enough not to keep anything in the house… I (was) suffering from something. I was a loving father, husband, the whole thing, but in the back of my mind I needed something like pornography just to chill. It’s almost like not admitting you’re an alcoholic or something like that. But the thing is you can’t live in two worlds and I was getting farther and farther away from Rebecca. Pornography is an intimacy killer. It just started building up a wall. A lot of people get divorced and they don’t even understand how the separation began. It wasn’t that she caught me. She was like, ‘Something is wrong with you,’ and I finally had to admit it was a problem… I realized I couldn’t stop.

Rebecca, did you feel pressured to step up the intimacy because of it?

Porn is a fantasy. You know, I’ve had five kids, so there were times we weren’t intimate. The issue was his desires for me were based on this fantasy. He would behave very strangely in bed. I can recall times feeling like ‘What are you doing,’ like he was trying to manipulate me a little bit or make me behave like the women in the porn. He had this fixed fantasy about what [sex] should be. Some of it was in his over-watching it, you don’t even want a real person. A real person can never match up to a fantasy.

Side note: Both Terry and Rebecca Crews follow Fight the New Drug on Instagram and Twitter. They’re both pretty awesome.

Join with us and all these super cool people and SHARE this article to spread awareness on the harmful effects of pornography. Get the word out and take a stand.

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Disclosures, the curse and blessings of the hard reality of sex addiction.3/15/2015

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Sitting across a couple that has full intention of going through a vigorous and honest disclosure, is not an easy task to present the protocol, and difficult to hear. But necessary to deliver the "syllabus" as I go over all the details of the preparations, before we decide on the time frame to execute and deliver the homework.
The partners have questions to write and vary from; Did you have sex with any one I know? Who are they? How many? What kind of clubs did you go to? Questions she has agonized over
and most certainly an integral part of a disclosure. He answers her questions and need to understand, what has seemed so illusive, and validates her worst fears, her gut feeling that something was not right, the curse.
Coming clean for the addict is the blessing, they too agonize in writing their stories for their partner.....how is this going to help her, she's already been hurt so much. Hurt, does not even cover it......she is devastated, traumatized, and trying to make sense of the "tsunami "that just took her under a 20 foot tidal wave. She is desperately trying to catch her breath.
My work with addicts, while helping them to compose their disclosures has been more of a positive experience. They want to come clean and work a healthy recovery plan.They don't want to hurt their partners anymore, and are willing to do the hard work of writing a lengthy story of their acting out behaviors and take responsibility where they have violated the relationship, as well as providing examples of how they have caused the relational rupture. The "syllabus" has much more to it, and their commitment to compliance is in agreement with making amends.
The story below is a partner story that did not show any signs of blessing, for neither the partner, addict or coupleship. It continues to be a painful process, however, she is in process of moving on with her life, differently, and a stronger sense of self and awareness of her needs and focus are on healing. When the flood gates open,she is not drowning, and doesn't get caught in the vortex. She has the ability to function at her best. This is when sitting on the other side and listening to these remarkable stories, both men women and couples, enlighten me and encourage me to continue to do what I do.

The story and the movie footage focuses on the wife/mother’s experience as she was the hardest hit. Watching it, because her experience and the trauma associated with the tsunami were exactly like mine with sex addiction. The movie begins with a family of 4 on a beautiful island enjoying there Christmas holiday, They notice a few strange things, sounds start up, birds screeching, tree branches swaying, an increasing loud roar. People sitting around the pool think its strange but do not know what it is. Then all at once an enormous black wave breaks over the trees, more and more waves follow, swallowing up everyone and everything. Houses, cars, trees are torn apart and pieces become projectiles shooting through the water piercing the people in it, including the wife. She has no strength to compete, struggles to survive and can only cling to whatever she can find. Eventually the waves subside. She finds a way out but is gashed and bleeding and can hardly move. The cameras pan to view the sight from overhead. The land is unrecognizable, completely barren. What was once paradise is now a ruin. The clean up from the aftermath will take years before any regrowth can occur. The wife at various times presumed dead survives, but she remains in the hospital fighting infections and undergoes 14 surgeries.

The movie is the best description I can use to explain the feelings I had and still have discovering about and trying to survive almost 30 years of sex addiction, Yes, there were signs, but I did not know what they were. December 13, 2010 and following five or six months were the crest of my black wave. Everything was coming down on me and swallowing me whole. I could not escape the projectiles of the betrayals. Each one felt as it tore into my body. The ones that came out of nowhere were the hardest on me. They are the ones that caused the most traumas because they were unexpected. Trying to pull myself out of this suffocation from addiction is hard. I am trying to rebuild my strength. What throws me back into the panic are all the little signs of sex addiction, and that my personal tsunami is starting up again. I will not ignore these signs. I will continue to do self care.......

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