SHAMED BASED IDENTITY
GUILT…I MADE A MISTAKE
HEALTHY SHAME… YOU CAN MAKE MISTAKES, LETS US KNOW WE HAVE LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES.
YOU ARE VENERABLE
YOU SOMETIMES NEED HELP
YOU ARE NOT GOD
HEALTHY SHAME GIVES US HUMILITY AND PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN
TOXIX SHAME...
I AM ONLY LOVABLE AND ACCEPTED WHEN…… PERFORMANCE… YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO…I AM WHAT I DO PERFECTIONISM…IF I BLOW IT , I AM NOT ACCEPTED *stay within the lines
FAILURE PRONE… THINGS NEVER WORK OUT FOR ME *you always do that wrong
OVERACHIEVING…HAVE I DONE ENOUGH *never give full credit because they will stop trying
SELF-DOUBT DO I HAVE ANY IMPACT *why comment about what is expected
EXTREME STANDARDS… NO EFFORT IS GOOD ENOUGH * anything less than the best than you have not tried hard enough
JUDGMENTAL EMPHASIS ON RIGHT/WRONG… IT SHOULD BE ONLY ONE WAY * I don’t want to listen because its wrong
LOW SELF-ESTEEM… I AM BASICALLY BAD, UNWORTHY PERSON * its dangerous to give compliments
DESPERATION FOR APPROVAL… AM I OKAY * they should know that I care because of what I do for them
CONDITIONAL SUPPORT… SELF WORTH CONTIGENT ON OTHERS. * If you do things right then I will support yo
ABANDONMENT/NEGLECT… FEAR THAT PEOPLE WILL LEAVE ME BECAUSE I AM UNLOVABLE. * I had to take care of myself when I was a ki ATTACKING/CRITICAL… SELF CRITICAL, SELF HATING *you are ungrateful and spoiled
ANTI CONFLICT…CONFLICT AVOIDANCE, DON’T ROCK THE BOAT * if you can’t say something nice don’t say it at all
SECRETS, UDISCUSSED ISSUES… FEAR OF DISCOVERY * its in the past so there is no need to talk about it
CONSTRICTION OF FEELINGS…UNAWARE OF FEELINGS, * don’t wear your feeling on your sleeves
REFUSAL TO ADDRESS PAINFUL ISSUES… TOLERANCE OF PAIN, WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING * * you are exaggerating how serious this is
NEEDS DENIED, CONFLICT ABOUT NEEDS, WHAT FEELS GOOD FELLS BAD * only bad kids touch themselves there
PERSONAL LIMITS NOT RESPECTED…PERMEABLE BOUNDERIES, I OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION * kids don’t have rights
HEAL THE SHAME TO OVERCOME THE ADDICTION
(John Bradshaw)
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