How do I accept my partners subjective reality? Are we able to influence one another opinion ? Can I see the part of his/her story that makes sense to me. I may think he/she is 98% wrong, however, can I see the 2% that may make a difference in the way that I am influenced. Listening is a skill, as I have my clients practice active listening, they tend to struggle with wanting to interrupt and state their own thoughts, rather than actively attending to what their partner is stating, and the ability to say back what the other is saying. The magic in this skill, for the speaker, is knowing that the listener is hearing what they have to say. Active listening is attunement at its best, when you "get what the other is saying, and they get that you get it."Its much easier to be influenced by the other , once we feel heard.
Below is a true and false assessment from John Gottman, a well renowned relationship researcher, speaker and writer. I am privileged to have taken his course work, been very helpful in working with couples.
Accepting Influence
Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.
WHEN WE DISCUSS OUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
1. I find that I am really interested in my partner’s opinion on our basic issues.
O
O
2. I usually learn a lot from my partner even when we disagree.
O
O
3. I want my partner to feel that what he or she says really counts with me.
O
O
4. I generally want my partner to feel influential in this relationship.
O
O
5. I can listen to my partner, but only up to a point.
O
O
6. My partner has a lot of basic common sense.
O
O
7. I try to communicate respect even during our disagreements.
O
O
8. I don’t keep trying to convince my partner so that I will eventually win out.
O
O
9. I don’t reject my partner’s opinions out of hand.
O
O
10. My partner is rational enough to take seriously when we discuss our issues.
O
O
11. I believe in lots of give and take in our discussions.
O
O
12. I am very persuasive, but don’t usually try to win arguments with my partner.
O
O
13. I feel important in our decisions.
O
O
14. My partner usually has good ideas.
O
O
15. My partner is basically a great help as a problem-solver.
O
O
16. I try to listen respectfully even when I disagree.
O
O
17. My ideas for solutions are not better than my partner’s.
O
O
18. I can usually find something to agree with in my partner’s position.
O
O
19. My partner is not usually too emotional.
O
O
20. I am the not one who needs to make the major decisions in this relationship.
O
O
© 2000–2007 by Dr. John M. Gottman.
Below is a true and false assessment from John Gottman, a well renowned relationship researcher, speaker and writer. I am privileged to have taken his course work, been very helpful in working with couples.
Accepting Influence
Read each statement and fill in the appropriate TRUE or FALSE bubble.
WHEN WE DISCUSS OUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
1. I find that I am really interested in my partner’s opinion on our basic issues.
O
O
2. I usually learn a lot from my partner even when we disagree.
O
O
3. I want my partner to feel that what he or she says really counts with me.
O
O
4. I generally want my partner to feel influential in this relationship.
O
O
5. I can listen to my partner, but only up to a point.
O
O
6. My partner has a lot of basic common sense.
O
O
7. I try to communicate respect even during our disagreements.
O
O
8. I don’t keep trying to convince my partner so that I will eventually win out.
O
O
9. I don’t reject my partner’s opinions out of hand.
O
O
10. My partner is rational enough to take seriously when we discuss our issues.
O
O
11. I believe in lots of give and take in our discussions.
O
O
12. I am very persuasive, but don’t usually try to win arguments with my partner.
O
O
13. I feel important in our decisions.
O
O
14. My partner usually has good ideas.
O
O
15. My partner is basically a great help as a problem-solver.
O
O
16. I try to listen respectfully even when I disagree.
O
O
17. My ideas for solutions are not better than my partner’s.
O
O
18. I can usually find something to agree with in my partner’s position.
O
O
19. My partner is not usually too emotional.
O
O
20. I am the not one who needs to make the major decisions in this relationship.
O
O
© 2000–2007 by Dr. John M. Gottman.
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