Forgiveness, a process.....never linear...its reflective. Allow yourself time, time you need and deserve to get through it, and yet, know that the hurt/harm will show up again. The choice you made to forgive, let go, does not erase, the imprint is in you
I recommend daily check-in's for the much needed trust to rebuild, in the aftermath of betrayal. It a starting point that something in our lives is constant, when everything else seems to have gone away, the steadfastness of regular activities has been shaken to the core. The new realities of life are unknown. I think its most important to have a regular set time and place for a couple to do the FANOS/ check-in. It creates a stability that we can count on in a structured format. You each take a turn sharing and it can go something like this;
Feeling, I am feeling anxious about doing a check-in
Affirmation, I am appreciative that you are willing to work on restoring my trust
Need, I need to spend time alone, journaling my thoughts and what I need about to be at the dinner part with you this weekend.
Ownership, I own up to not being completely honest with you about our financial status.
Sobriety Date, for the acting out, Safe, what does the partner need to be safe.
What I need for me to be safe right now is for you to respect my wishes for some time alone...
I recommend that the betrayer initiates, at the agreed time. The coupleship starts to redefine the level of honesty and ability to expect something new and constant truth......
Fanos: An Exercise To Bring Understanding And Change
Taking turns, each person states what he is feeling that day. He may need a list of feelings to remind him there are more feelings than being angry.
Have the couple offer one affirmation to each other. It could be as simple as, “Thank you for washing the dishes.” It could be deeper, “Thank you for watching the boys tonight. You are a great father/mother.”
The couple takes turns stating one need. They may discover that they have difficulty knowing what they need. Again, it may be simple or more complex. Remind the couple that just because they state needs, it does not mean the other will meet their need.
Spouses take responsibility for some behavior they have done that they feel was not helpful. They should resist any temptation to point out anything their spouse has done that was not helpful. By taking ownership and by giving affirmations, the couple reverses the vicious blame cycle.
Finally, the couple shares whatever Bible reading or spiritual thoughts they have been having that day. Do not make this a sermon, just a short summary.
In biblical Greek, there is a word similar to FANOS (phanos, lantern). The verb form of this word (phaino) means to shine or to be revealed.
Mark Laaser, Ph.D., Chanhassan, Minnesota
I have taken some of Dr. Amens online course work on Brain and Behavior. He is the first to pioneer the SPECT Scans, imagery into the brain that allows us to see whether there is to much or too little blood flow in the individual parts that make up the brain and its functions.Allowing the correct process to stimulate or lower activation. Also implementing the right diet and medication, as needed....
We all want to know how to age healthy. That’s why we ask: How do I prevent getting sick and stay mentally sharp? What are daily habits I can easily start to protect my mind and body as I age? Are there secrets to looking and feeling younger longer?
It’s clear that not everyone—or every brain—ages the same way. But by putting neuroscience into practice in our daily lives, there are a number of things we can all do to help preserve our mental abilities; prevent cognitive impairment, dementia, and illness; and improve our brain health for a higher quality of life as we age.
The key to staying healthy is to keep our bodies in top form. But as opposed to strategies that depend on deprivation, “Brain Warriors,” as Dr. Amen and Tana Amen explain, focus on the abundance of amazing habits. Now we all know exercise, diet, and quality sleep are important, but here are 3 Brain Warrior ways to attack illness and aging that you probably haven’t thought of.
Interacting with others helps people feel connected. We’re social animals, who by nature have always needed others for survival. It’s in our genes. Studies have found that healthy friends can actually help lower your risk of cognitive decline, may protect against dementia by providing emotional and mental stimulation, and can make a key difference in life longevity.
Tip: Try joining new social circles— perhaps a community group, book club, chess club, faith-based group, or a volunteer meet-up.
Brain Warrior’s tap into the power of food with both an abundance of illness-fighting nutrients from whole, living plant foods and high-quality protein (plant or animal), with an essential mixture of healthy fat. It’s the good fat that helps keep the brain sharp, fuels muscles, and regulates vital organs to function properly.
Tip: Try eating a diet that’s 70% plant-based foods, 30% high-quality protein, and focus on eating healthy fat like avocados, cashews, coconut oil and olive oil mixed in.
Research shows that spending time outside—breathing fresh air—cleans your lungs, can boost your immune system, and improve your blood pressure and heart rate. Plus, the amount of serotonin your body has is affected by the amount of oxygen you inhale. Serotonin can significantly lighten your mood and promote a sense of happiness and well-being. Fresh air will leave you feeling more refreshed, energized, and according to science, make you happier.
Tip: Try taking a walk outside and get outdoors. Try to open a window, especially when you sleep. Also, to help improve the air quality where you spend most of your time in doors, invest in an air purifier and/or keep some plants.
To learn more Brain Warrior ways to attack illness and aging, check out Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen’s new revolutionary book, The Brain Warrior’s Way. It’s an easy-to-implement brain-based approach to changing your health and life. It’s based on the latest research, it really works, and you can learn everything you need to know from the top experts in the world.
We are recruiting and training Brain Warriors—people who are serious about the health of their brains and bodies and want to help us change the world. That’s why we want to give you the choice of two special pre-order offers.
Amen Clinics helps anyone struggling. Everyone is different yet many of have similar concerns. Regardless of how small or big the challenges may be, from—anxiety to depression, ADHD to memory loss—these issues can make life harder for the whole family. Find out how Amen Clinics can help your family. Call at 844-286-6747 or visit www.amenclinics.com/schedule-visit
Francoise Mastroianni, lcpc.,ccsas.,cpts