The following checklist is adapted from S-Anon, a Twelve-Step group for partners of sex addicts:
· Have you felt hurt or embarrassed by your spouse’s sexual conduct?
· Have you secretly searched for clues about your spouse’s sexual behavior?
· Have you lied about or covered up your spouse’s sexual conduct?
· Have you had money problems because of your spouse’s sexual behavior?
· Have you felt betrayed or abandoned by someone you loved and trusted?
· Are you afraid to upset your spouse for fear that he or she will leave you?
· Have you tried to control your spouse’s sexual thoughts or behavior by doing things like throwing away pornography, dressing suggestively or being sexual with him or her in order to keep him or her from being sexual with others?
· Have you given into sex to try to keep peace in a relationship?
· Have you tried to convince yourself that your spouse’s sexual thoughts and behavior shouldn’t bother you?
· Have you doubted your attractiveness, your emotions and your sanity?
· Have you felt angry and/or stupid for not knowing about your spouse’s acting out behavior?
· Have you engaged in uncomfortable, unwanted or physically dangerous sexual behavior?
· Has your preoccupation with your spouse’s sexual thoughts and behavior affected your relationships with your children, your co-workers and/or other friends or family members?
· Have you neglected your physical and/or emotional health while in a relationship?
· Have you blamed other people, such as friends or sexual partners, society in general, his or her job, religion or birth family for your spouse’s sexual behavior? Have you felt confused about what is true when talking with your spouse about his or her sexual thoughts or behavior? Have you avoided painful emotions by using drugs, alcohol or food or by being too busy?
· Do you find dealing with your spouse’s sexual behavior or mood swings makes you feel crazy?
· Have you become a private investigator in your own home?
· Do you spend more time thinking about your spouse than you do yourself?
· Do you go through cycles of loving and then hating your spouse?
· Have you felt alone in your relationship or too ashamed to ask for help?
If you answer yes to any one of these questions, you may have been impacted emotionally, psychologically, physically or spiritually by being in a relationship with someone who has an intimacy disorder. It impairs your ability to be intergrated, and fragments your sense of being, and presence of mind. Please contact your nearest Clinical Partner Trauma Specialist, CPTS @
We are here to support and help you through this difficult attachment injury.
This version has been adapted by Dr. Janice Caudill, SAnon