Listening is one of the key components to good communication! When we are able to be emotionally assessable and attentive to one another, we give each other the gift of engaging in each others experience. Experientially we can know what our spouse is feeling, and we know by one another responses that we have been heard with our heart. This is not to imply that we have to agree with their reality, however, you may be 99% write and they may be 99% wrong, or vise -versa, find the 1% you can agree with. It makes it a lot easier to turn towards one another and soften the impact.
"Do not listen just to hear the words but to accept the person to whom you are listening. Make what your spouse is saying as important to you as it is to them." (Marriage Encounters, ME) marriage encounters.org
ME is a peer to peer weekend for couples that are wanting to enhance their marriage. The marriage encounters are held all over the country. Take a look at their web site for a weekend in your neighborhood. They believe that feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are.
They have a wealth of resources and one of the things I appreciate is their dialogue questions that go along with a key, such as "What is my awareness of us as a couple right now? HDIFAMA....how do I feel about my answer ?
The questions are a great way to do a check in with one another. Take 10-20 minutes to answer the same question. Dialogue is a key component to a healthy relationship, agree or not, you now know a little more about each other. If you lean more towards disagreement, agree to take a time out, and return with in an hour, if you are able to be emotionally assessable to one another, and continue the dialogue.Dialogue Questions/
Dialogue Questions Galore!
ME dialogue questions.pdf
Beside the old stand-by of "What was my strongest feeling today?", try making one of these your NEW "old stand-by".
1. What is my awareness of us as a couple right now? HDIFAMA?
2. What is it like being married to me today? HDIFAMA?
3. What is the most difficult situation facing us as a couple right now? HDIFA this situation?
4. What stage of relationship do I see us in right now - romance, disillusionment, or joy? HDIF? 5. What did I most look forward to today? HDIFSTWY?
6. What is my biggest challenge right now? HDIFSTWY?
7. HDIFA our sexual relationship?
8. HDIFA our couple prayer?
9. What do I most need from you today (tomorrow, right now)? HDIFSTWY?
10. What do I think you most need from me today (tomorrow, right now)? HDIFSTWY?
11. What brought me the most fulfillment today? HDIFAMA?
12. What is my dream for tomorrow? HDIFSTWY?
13. What feeling have I not shared with you yet today? DTF.
14. How have I encouraged or affirmed you today? How did that feel?
15. When did I feel closest to you today? HDIFAMA?
16. How did I know you love me today? HDIFSTWY?
17. Please forgive me for __________. HDIF?
18. What was the center of my life today? HDIFAMA?
19. What is the most vulnerable thing I could share with you today? HDIFSTWY?
20. HDIF reflecting on the Scriptures used at today's Mass?
21. What do I most need to take responsibility for today? HDIFSTWY?
22. What attitude am I struggling most with today? HDIFSTWY?
23. How was your love life-giving to me today? HDIFAT?
24. In the last 24 hours, when was I most aware of God’s presence? How did I feel before, during and after that moment?
25. In what areas do I feel vulnerable to you? HDIFAMA?
26. Where do I feel the need to be reconciled with you? HDIFAMA?
27. Where do I feel the need to be reconciled with myself? HDIFAMA?
28. What about you am I grateful for today? HDIFAMA?
Dialogue Questions You Could Use Every Day
A collection of dialogue questions from WWME communities, compiled by Pat and Debye Galaska - share the wealth!!!
DTF : Describe This Feeling
DFILD: Describe feelings in loving detail.
HDIFAMA: How Do I Feel About My Answer?
HDTF: How Does This Feel?
HDIF: How Do I Feel?
HDIFA: How Do I Feel About...
HDIFAT: How Do I Feel About That?
HDIFST: How Do I Feel Sharing This?
HDIFSTWY: How Do I Feel Sharing This With You? HDIFTTTY: How Do I Feel Telling This To You? WAMF: What Are My Feelings?